47 Increasingly Reasonable Names For Dogs

Evan Fleischer

Jul 4, 2018·2 min read

1. Rex.
2. Bo.
3. Spot.
4. Simon.
5. Mr. Dog.
6. Showtime.
7. Garbanzo Bean.
8. Lord Tucklewhip.
9. Doctor Hambone, Retired Pediatrician
10. Do The Robot.
11. No, Seriously, Do The Robot
12. Bedsheet
13. Escaped Panda
14. “Neo! … liberalism.”
15. Hamsters Aren’t Real
16. A Little Bit Softer Now
17. A Little Bit Softer Now
18. A Little Bit Softer Now
19. Reinstate The Polish Judiciary!
20. Mumps

21. Captain Mumps

22. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogog

23. Power Ranger Rick

24. Geostorm and/or Excelsior

25. Emotional Spock

26. Fred Durst in Disguise

27. Angry Macarena

28. Adjective Noun

29. Dord

30. Hey, Larry? The Raccoon’s Gotten Into The Garbage Again But is Now Also Muttering To Itself About Reusing Food And The Ethics Of Dumpster Diving.

32. I’ve Finally Figured Out The Lyrics To That John Cage Song

33. Did You Ever Wonder If Hell Is Just One Of Those McSweeney’s Lists From Around 2003 That Just Never Seems To End?

34. Crown Me In Glitter, O Angels Of The Dancing Night

35. Next Up is a Stand-up Comedian From San Antonio, Texas, So Why Don’t We Give A Big Texas-Sized Welcome To …

36. I Will Not Read War And Peace To You Like That

37. I Think That’s A Great Idea For A Tattoo

38. I Think You Should

39. Almost Rhymes With Peas

40. Don’t Feed The Squirrels

41. ☼︎♏︎❍︎♏︎❍︎♌︎♏︎❒︎ ⬥︎♒︎♏︎■︎ ⬥︎♓︎■︎♑︎♎︎♓︎■︎♑︎⬧︎ ⬥︎♋︎⬧︎ ♋︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎■︎♑︎✍︎

42. Boing Boing Boing

43. (Vague backward speech from The Black Lodge in Twin Peaks.)

44. (Robert Rauschenberg’s “Monogram,” which the owner will be obliged to carry with them hold up whenever they want to call the animal’s name.)

45. I Have in My Hand … A Piece Of Paper … That Will Guarantee … A Dog’s Name. In Our Time.

46. Toronto.

47. Melvyn Bragg.